Why not just coat the soles in axle grease??

I've decided that I don't like falling on my ass very much. I've come to this conclusion through (involuntary) practice and repetition. In the past 4 days, I've slipped and fallen probably 4 or 5 times. (Each time was in front of an audience too...so yeah, I've had that going for me.)

I attribute these falls to several things:

1. It's snowy and icy out. This is acceptable, because it is Colorado in December.
2. Skechers makes THE WORST sole for the shoe that I am wearing. They might as well install buttered ball bearings on the bottoms of these shoes, I swear. Perhaps they could make the shoe secrete axle grease to more fully ensure that I embarrass myself each and every time I leave the house.
3. I'm too stupid to stop wearing the shoes. I know they don't get the best traction, yet I still continue to wear them. (Damn you, comfort and convenience!)
   

In addition to my being too stupid to stop wearing the shoes, I feel as though I'd be cheating the general public from a cheap form of entertainment if I stop wearing them. I could imagine how funny it looks for a grown man to do the slippery-foot-shuffle and then have his feet pulled right out from underneath him. I'd be howling with laughter if I saw it happen to someone else.

The pain in my tailbone is well worth the looks of glee on people's faces when they watch it happen though. I'm glad I can bring this kind of joy to people's lives.

I'm sure there's bound to be an encore performance as I make the long walk out to my car tonight, so don't miss it! There's a fresh sheet of slippery ice in the parking lot today and the temperature will only reach about 8 degrees for the high. I can't wait to feel that cold asphalt greet my ass with it's own brand of holiday cheer. Hopefully, my hands will be full too, so I can't break the fall with my hands. It's a lot more fun for the onlookers that way.