I found a moonrock in my nose!

Ok, I'm a big Simpson's fan. I was discussing this just last night as a matter of fact. I was trying to decide who my favorite character is. I'm pretty sure I like them all, but the one that consistently makes me laugh is Ralph Wiggum.

Ralph is the only son of Police Chief Wiggum and he's a bit...um..."slow". He's got all kinds of imaginary friends, some of which tell him to burn things. I think the funniest thing about him is his high pitched voice (and his random comments). I've listed a few choice Ralphie quotes for your amusement. Even if you don't find them to be funny...I will. And that's all that matters.

• "Even my boogers taste spicy."
• "Hi, Super Nintendo Chalmers!" (addressing Superintendent Chalmers)
• "I bent my wookiee"
• "I wanna live with underground grandma!"
  

Ralph: "I eated the purple berries!" Oh... uggghh... (falls over)
Bart: "Uh... How are they, Ralph? Good?"
Ralph: "It tastes like ... burning."

• "I found a moonrock in my nose!"
• "I'm learnding!"
• "Miss Hoover? I glued my head to my shoulder."
• "Me fail English? That's unpossible!"
• "Oh boy, sleep! That's where I'm a viking!"
• "That's my sandbox. I'm not allowed to go in the deep end. (Pointing to a large rock) That's where I saw the Leprechaun. He tells me to burn things."
• "When I grow up, I want to be a principal, or a caterpillar!"
• "My nose makes its own bubble gum!"
• "I'm a brick"

Click here for Ralph Wiggum sounds. Make sure your sound is turned up - especially if you're at work. Let's all see if we can get fired together.

Saddam and his temper tantrums are funny

Apparently, Saddam threw another temper tantrum yesterday in court. He and his half brother (also on trial) stirred up the courtroom yet again and are protesting the trial. His lawyers are "boycotting the next session of Saddam's trial" this week as well.

During the proceedings yesterday, it turned into another shouting match with Saddam eventually being escorted out while shouting "down with America!". Earlier, the defense team just up and left. After Saddam's refusal to attend court this Wednesday, his lawyers added this comment:

"If he was forced to attend, he won't sit in the place designated for him, but will stand in a corner to protest against the measures taken by the judge".

That makes me laugh. I just think this whole thing is comical. What a complete nutjob this guy is (Saddam). Actually, his whole defense team is a bunch of idiots (including Ramsay Clark, the former U.S. Attorney General that is representing Saddam.) I won't even go into the issue of Clark's traitorous actions, defending an enemy of the U.S. during a war. He is not worth my time.

I'm just wondering why this Iraqi court is such a circus. Who's in control?? Saddam or the new government of Iraq? These outbursts should be squashed immediately, as they would be in the U.S. Could you imagine a defendant in an American court standing up and shouting at a U.S. judge? Could you imagine a defense team just getting up and walking out of the courtroom during a trial? It all sounds so strange to me.

The good news is that this new judge that is presiding over the trial is a little bit tougher than the last one, who recently resigned. We'll see how he takes control as the trial resumes this week.

I just like seeing Saddam back in his playpen after his little temper tantrums. It's entertaining. They should give him a blankie to hold while he's in there and maybe a pacifier. That would be hilarious.

Monkeys are cool

How can you not love monkeys? They're SO cool. Check this one out, for example.

If that's not the coolest monkey you've seen all day...well...I'll kiss your ass. An ice skating monkey! Damn, that's cool. Monkeys just make me laugh, regardless. It's hard to have a bad day with a monkey around.
My favorite is the one that is dressed up like a cowboy and riding the dog in the rodeo. Mere words cannot describe it, so I'll just post the picture (for those who've never seen it before). The video is hilarious. He's actually got chaps on and everything.

Ahhh monkeys...is there no limit to the funny things you can do?

Brokeback bullshit

Alright, I must rant about all the "buzz" about this gay movie (literally), called Brokeback Mountain. I'm tired of hearing about it from the Hollywood types. I'm tired of the liberal rags writing up stories about it so they can further their leftist, morality-deficient agendas. The media is what generates this buzz, regardless of what it's doing at the box office. If it was such a good movie and was doing so well, it would be at all of the theaters around the country. Instead, it's only at select theaters.

For those who don't know, this movie is about two flaming cowboys. They're not flaming in the sense that they are on fire. They are flaming in the sense that they like to put their peepees in the poopyhole. Here's a brief description from one of the entertainment websites:

"Brokeback Mountain is a cowboy romance about two ranch-hand buddies who conceal a long homosexual affair from their families. The movie has won four Golden Globe prizes, including best picture honors in the drama category."

Does it strike anybody else as being odd that Hollyweird glorifies and honors movies about infidelity? I mean, I'm not shocked, but I still think it's lame. I expect them to make a stink about a movie that features gay love scenes. They want to do everything they can to try and make this deviant lifestyle "mainstream". However, homosexuality will never be mainstream. I don't care how hard they try. (I'll have to refrain from ranting about MTV and their homo-promotion marathon right now - I'll save that for another day)

What I don't like is the fact that they're giving this movie all kinds of critical acclaim for it's content. It's about two men cheating on their wives. What's good about that?? Who they're cheating with is unimportant. There is nothing admirable about cheating on your wife. If this was a story about two men cheating on their wives with two other women, do you think it would be getting all of these accolades? I would say probably not.

I'm not here trying to gay bash either. I personally happen to think it's wrong and repulsive, but what other people do in their bedrooms is their business. The problem is that the gay lobby tends not to keep it in the bedroom. They try to convince the public that this lifestyle is normal and they try to saturate the media with it, in the hopes that people will be desensitized by the constant exposure. They draw people's attention to it, and then gripe when people treat them differently because of it. The idea of homosexuality has been introduced to kids in elementary schools these days, for crying out loud. They've got gay children's books to teach "tolerance" to kids that have no idea what sexuality even is in the first place. It's ridiculous. Tolerance is one thing, but defining yourself solely on what hole you put your peepee in is pretty sad. Why not concentrate on being a good person, instead of promoting your practice of the buttsecks?

As a society, we should be embracing the ideals of the family unit - not infidelity and sexual deviance. We should be bestowing awards upon the movies that showcase good family values and promote respect for your wife - not glorifying the betrayal of your wife so that you can go butt ram your cowboy buddy when she's not looking. We've got enough problems in America without further eroding what little morality we have left as a country.

Also, I want to propose the idea of Heterosexual Pride Day. Who's with me?

Can we just remove the race card from the deck already?!

I've been meaning to bring this up for a couple of days now, but I just haven't had the chance. On Monday (Martin Luther King Day), the mayor of New Orleans made a...how shall I say...interesting speech. He was talking about rebuilding New Orleans and I took notice of some specific things that he was saying. Mayor Nagin said:

"It's time for us to rebuild a New Orleans, the one that should be a chocolate New Orleans," he said. "And I don't care what people are saying in Uptown or wherever they are. This city will be chocolate at the end of the day." "This city will be a majority African-American city. It's the way God wants it to be."

Now, I'm no civil rights expert. But when I heard that comment, all I could think was, "DAMN, that's about as racist a statement as a person could make." What about other people that are from New Orleans? How do you think a statement like that makes them feel? A very alienating statement, if I do say so myself. New orleans is home to many people that are not black. This does nothing to help them want to come back home and rebuild.

I don't understand why African Americans can get away with making blatantly racist statements like that. It happens all the time. In comedy acts, tv shows, advertisements, etc. Black comedians mock how "white people" act and call them white boys, honkies and other things all the time. It's pretty well accepted. This statement by mayor Nagin is just one of many comments made like this all the time.

Are we ever going to get over racism in America?

Let me explain what I'm saying a little more. Imagine the white mayor of Coeur D' Alene, Idaho making a speech saying, "It's time to rebuild Coeur D' Alene...one that will be an IVORY Coeur D' Alene. God wants Idaho to be a WHITE state." Don't you think there would be a bit of outrage at those statements? Wouldn't Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton be on every news channel around the country denouncing this white mayor and branding her a RACIST?

So, what's with the double standard? Why is it ok for black people to be blatantly racist, but other races are condemned and civil rights groups call for blood when it happens? This black-vs-others racism is so prevalent, yet when something happens to them, they immediately pull out the race card. (If anybody's wondering, I'm not black or white...so I take no sides on the matter.)
We ALL need to rise above these race issues and get over it already. The color of a person's skin should not be an issue in this day and age. The only reason it is still around is because of people like this Nagin idiot. Well, that's not the ONLY reason, but it certainly doesn't help the cause. People are people. Black, white, brown, yellow, beige...it really doesn't matter. The sooner we all realize that - the better.

On a related note...what the hell is up with Hillary Clinton making her stupid remarks on the same day? She made some comment to the effect of the House of Representatives is run "like a plantation and you know what I'm talking about". What the hell could she possibly be trying to accomplish with that?? On MLK day, no less. Jeebus farking cripes. I swear, this world is chock full of idiots.

Don't make me quote a criminal. Don't make me do it...ah shit...too late!

"CAN'T WE ALL JUST GET ALONG?"

Where's the press and Snoop Dogg?

Does Snoop Dogg not care about white people? Where is Jesse Jackson? Where is the public outrage and media atention? A man is scheduled to be executed early tomorrow morning in California, and I have seen hardly any coverage about it at all. There haven't been any movies made about this guy like there were about Tookie Williams. I don't see the hollywood types rallying behind Clarence Ray Allen. Perhaps if he had co-authored some childrens books, hollywood would care.

Are the "civil rights" types not concerned because Clarence Ray Allen is not black? I fail to understand why there's such a difference in the way these two cases are being handled. Why would a cold blooded murderer like Tookie Williams get the sweetheart treatment in the press and Hollywood, but this Clarence Ray Allen guy doesn't? Is it because the cliche "oppressed black man, wrongly accused" angle is easier to play up? Is it because that gets more ratings and is more marketable? If so, that's pretty sad.

Tookie Williams and Clarence Ray Allen have a lot in common, so I'm a bit puzzled about why nobody is making such a fuss over his execution. (Actually, I'm puzzled why Williams' execution got SO MUCH press. Neither are noteworthy in my opinion.)

They both:

• Killed people (actually Tookie personally gunned people down, Clarence Allen hired people to kill his son's girlfriend and witnesses who testified against him at the trial)
• Ran criminal enterprises (Tookie - the Crips; Allen - burglary/crime ring)
• Continued to conduct criminal activity while behind bars
• Are despicable excuses for human beings
  

Personally, I think race has no place in either of these cases. I just bring it up because I see an inequity in the attention that is brought to both cases. I think they both should rot in hell. They're murderers that have surrendered their right to life and liberty by taking the lives of others.

I don't have much time to rant about the issue at the moment, but you get the gist (sp?) of what I'm saying. Criminals should not be made into heroes. They should be punished according to the law for their actions, be they black, white, brown, yellow or otherwise. I just bring it up so that you can take notice of how differently the cases were handled. You decide. That's all I have to say about that (for the moment).

Get you some!

I just found this picture on the internet today and thought it was very inspiring. Talk about perseverance! That little bastard wasn't going to be denied. He saw something he wanted, and he went for it. He was successful, overcoming the odds. A lesser dog would have accepted his obvious shortcomings and given up.

We can all take a lesson from this little dog. Never give up. Keep trying and you will be rewarded in life. Quitters never win and winners never quit!

Happy New Year!