Moron vs. NOLA P.D.

I've got a question.

When a person hears about a knife-wielding maniac lunging towards an officer of the law (and the maniac subsequently gets killed), what makes them blame the police officer for the incident?

I've been reading posts from people responding to the police shooting in New Orleans (see link above). It never ceases to amaze me at just how liberal people can be when dealing with criminals. Some would rather see a police officer killed before seeing a criminal get treated badly in any way.

In this shooting yesterday, the police responded to a disturbance call involving a man with a knife. When the police instructed the suspect to get on the ground and drop the knife, he refused. They pepper sprayed him and repeatedly told him to get on the ground. He refused, and lunged toward one of the officers with the knife. That is when he was shot.

Yet, when reading posts about the incident, some would have you believe that these cops were just trigger happy and wanted to kill someone for the fun of it. Here's one profound comment in one of the forums I was reading today:

"If there wasn't one among them marksman enough to hit that galoot in his kneecaps to end the standoff then none of them have a right to carry a badge." - Anonymous Moron

The guy is clearly a genius. I'd love to see this guy shoot someone in the knee as they're charging towards him with a knife in hand. This is obviously someone who has never shot a gun before. This is obviously someone who knows nothing about law enforcement. The area that the shooting occured in is a highly populated metropolitan environment (St. Charles Ave). There are people all around. For this officer to fire anywhere but at center mass would have been really risky. The chances are very slim for anybody to accurately shoot a small moving target (such as an attacker's knee) as they are (presumably) moving backward from the attacker, and without hitting innocent bystanders. Add to this the stress and adrenaline that comes along with a situation like this. Even an expert marksman would not take that shot. This isn't the movies. Cops don't shoot guns and knives out of a perpetrator's hand. Furthermore, law enforcement officers are trained to stop the threat. There wasn't much of a choice in this situation on how to effectively do that.

Seems pretty cut and dry to me. When a person attacks another person with the threat and ability to inflict death, the person being attacked is within the law to meet this threat with equal force, up to and including death. In fact, the American legal standard for using lethal force is when a person is " ...in immediate danger of death or grievous bodily harm". I'd certainly say this qualifies as exactly that.

People don't realize just how dangerous a knife can be when used to attack a human being. We're made up of soft tissue and blood vessels. I've seen videos of the damage a knife can do to a piece of flesh in a matter of seconds. It doesn't have to be a big knife either. It could be a 2 or 3 inch blade and still be incredibly lethal. Many major arteries are fairly close to the surface of the skin and can be easily severed with a razor blade or small knife.

Listening to these keyboard kommandos tell me how they would have taken the guy's knees out and ended the standoff makes me laugh. And listening to the peanut gallery of support they get in forums is pretty funny too. It reminds me of a quote from a defense instructor on a website I was reading a while back. It went something along the lines of "Listening to a self-proclaimed expert who's been through knife combat training is like a virgin telling me he knows everything there is about sex because he's studied porno movies. The only people who are going to be impressed are other virgins."

The guy that said that is a person who has been in real knife combat situations (and consequently would avoid them at all costs now). I thought the comment was very appropriate for this conversation as well. These internet forum nerds that second guess everything the police do, have no business criticizing their actions unless they've walked in the officer's shoes. If you don't know anything about law enforcement or lethal force, don't demonize the police like you do. They do a very difficult job and put their lives on the line every day. They deal with the worst segment of society day in and day out, and to hear people criticize them for doing their jobs is just irritating.

Let me just point out some things that should be common sense for most people.

1. Don't threaten police officers.
2. Don't ever wave a knife at police officers (if you do - be prepared to accept the consequences of your actions) The same can be said about waving guns.
   
3. If a police officer tells you to get on the ground...DO IT. Especially when he's pointing a loaded gun at you.
4. If police pepper spray you and you don't comply with their requests, the next action they take will NOT be a friendly one.
   
5. Be prepared to be accountable for your actions. If you're a criminal, and police are called to apprehend you, realize that YOU are responsible for what happens if you resist arrest - not the police.

I wish people would realize that they should not feel pity for criminals. Criminals choose to live afoul of the law. Anything that happens as a result, is their fault. If they get arrested, it's not because they're being "profiled". It's because they broke the law. If they get beat up during an arrest, it's probably because they resisted. If they get killed during an arrest, it's probably because they threatened the life of someone else. Accountability. Learn it. Live it.

I hope this doesn't become a race issue either. If I have to listen to Jesse Jackson or Al Sharpton talk about it, I'm going to be very annoyed. Those two are like the ANTI-accountability coalition. They could watch a thug throw an infant into a wood chipper and then cry racism when the police arrest and prosecute him because he happens to be black. To them, the offense is to be overlooked. And the offender should be portrayed as a victim. They're into role reversal apparently.

Anyway, that's all the ranting I have time for right now. Consider yourselves spared for the moment.

Warrantless Surveillance Is Not New - Try Again, Libs

I just wanted to take a second to point out the fact that warrantless searches and surveillance is nothing new. G.W. Bush did not come up with the idea. Bush is not a "criminal" for approving of this surveillance either (contrary to what the lefty nuts would have you believe).

First of all, does anybody REALLY think this adminstration wants to listen in on you and your sister in Ohio's conversations about peanut brittle recipes? They don't. Trust me. They are listening to people in the U.S. that are speaking to known terrorist organizations and have terrorist interests. For those that aren't aware, TERRORISTS MEAN TO DO US HARM. That means Republicans, Democrats, Libertarians, Atheists, Jews, Christians, Hollywood elite liberals...EVERYBODY. Be glad we have a president that is trying his damndest to meet the threats before they materialize.

President Carter monitored people:

"In 1978, for instance, Attorney General Griffin B. Bell testified before a federal judge about warrantless searches he and President Carter had authorized against two men suspected of spying on behalf of the Vietnam government."

President Reagan monitored people:

"COURT SAYS U.S. SPY AGENCY CAN TAP OVERSEAS MESSAGES

By DAVID BURNHAM, SPECIAL TO THE NEW YORK TIMES (NYT) 1051 words Published: November 7, 1982

A Federal appeals court has ruled that the National Security Agency may lawfully intercept messages between United States citizens and people overseas, even if there is no cause to believe the Americans are foreign agents, and then provide summaries of these messages to the Federal Bureau of Investigation."

Yes, even the beloved President Clinton did it (in fact, he expanded the use of these searches):

"In 1994, President Clinton expanded the use of warrantless searches to entirely domestic situations with no foreign intelligence value whatsoever. In a radio address promoting a crime-fighting bill, Mr. Clinton discussed a new policy to conduct warrantless searches in highly violent public housing projects.
Previous administrations also asserted the authority of the president to conduct searches in the interest of national security."

The point I'm trying to make here is that you shouldn't buy into the media hype. There is an agenda to discredit this administration. It's very clear that the media wants to distort the facts and paint a picture that is not accurate. Government surveillance is nothing new. It's been going on for quite some time. Furthermore, it's a necessary means to intercept nefarious plans in order to protect the U.S. Period. In fact, it's been very successful in identifying Russian spies and thwarting their activities in the past. Convictions in spy cases have come directly from this kind of surveillance. This surveillance was an important part of those convictions. I have every confidence that it will be essential in this fight against terrorism as well.

On that note, I hope everybody has a safe and Merry Christmas. (Hopefully, free from terrorism - thanks to the tireless efforts of the U.S.A.)

Sadly, I identify with many things in the Dilbert world

Mr. Schwarzenegger - I Admire Your Balls (in a totally NON-gay way)

Let me clarify my statement. I do not literally admire the Governator's testes. I figuratively admire his balls. Juevos. Cohones. Yarbles. Bravado. Guts. Etc.

In the wake of Governer Schwarzenegger's decision not to grant clemency to a murdering piece of shit, his liberal hometown politicians in Austria began lashing out at him. They disagree with the death penalty. So, they figured that they'd try to discredit the Governator because of it (because he created the death penalty, right?). They were proposing the removal of his name from a sports arena in Austria as well as calling him a murderer and trashing his name in the media.

First of all, the Governator didn't kill anyone. He wasn't even around when a jury of 12 convicted Tookie Williams. He had nothing to do with 25 years of denials by the court system to overturn this conviction/death sentence. There was never any compelling evidence introduced to suggest a reason to grant clemency. Arnold Schwarzenegger acted within the law. And furthermore, he did the right thing to carry out a just sentence, imposed by the courts.

Anyway...the reason I admire him is because of his response to the Austrian politicians and media (I'm paraphrasing here): KISS MY STEROID ENHANCED ASS!

He didn't dance around it. He didn't beat around the bush. He flat out said F-U, REMOVE MY NAME FROM YOUR STADIUM and SHOVE YOUR RING WHERE THE SUN DOESN'T SHINE. The full text from the article is included below:

SAN FRANCISCO (Reuters) - California Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger cut his honorary ties to his hometown in Austria on Monday after officials in Graz criticized him for denying clemency to a death row inmate.

Schwarzenegger demanded that Graz stop using his name on a sports stadium and in promotions and returned a "ring of honor" he had been awarded by city officials in 1999, saying politicians in his hometown appeared to have rejected him.

A petition drive had been launched in Graz to have the town rename a stadium that has been named after Schwarzenegger because the Austrian-born governor allowed the execution of death-row inmate Stanley Tookie Williams this month.

Williams, an ex-leader of the Crips gang who supporters said had redeemed himself by campaigning against gang violence, was executed by lethal injection on December 13 after Schwarzenegger and the courts rejected all of his appeals.

The city council of Graz had been due to rename the local stadium on January 19, according to Schwarzenegger's letter to Graz Mayor Siegfried Nagl.

"The reason for this action is apparently a decision I reached as governor of California," Schwarzenegger said. "I rejected the clemency of a rightfully convicted four-time murderer after thorough review, and as a result, he was executed according to the laws of this state."

"In all likelihood, during my term as governor I will have to make similar and equally difficult decisions," Schwarzenegger wrote. "In order to spare the responsible politicians of the city of Graz further concern, I withdraw from them as of this day the right to use my name in association with the Liebenauer Stadium."

Schwarzenegger, a former body building champion and Hollywood star, trained at the stadium as a young man. It was renamed in his honor in 1997.

He said he was returning the "ring of honor."

Since "the official Graz appears to no longer accept me as one of their own, this ring has lost its meaning and value to me," he said. "It is already in the mail."

Schwarzenegger said he still considered himself a native of Graz and an Austrian. "I look forward to visiting Graz again as soon as time allows," he said in the letter released by his office.

What The Hell Do They Feed Kids In Russia?

Meet Nikolay Valuev. He's the new SEVEN FOOT TALL, 330lb WBA Heavyweight Champion. He beat John Ruiz (6'2", 240lbs) by split decision on Saturday. You can see why they call him the "Beast of the East". The dude has a melon the size of a large medicine ball and he makes Ruiz look like a 4th grader by comparison.

I'm just curious what they fed this guy when he was growing up. Miracle Grow? Steroids? Human growth hormone? Plutonium? Perhaps he grew up in a house that was nestled in between a nuclear waste dump and a large number of power lines?

He looks like the missing link, for cripes sake. I think he's got more hair on his back and shoulders than he does on his head. Just wax that shit, dude. I'm pretty sure nobody in their right mind would call you gay if you did it. You're probably safe on that one.



I won't point out the obvious comparisons to Rocky IV either. Ivan Drago has nothing on Nikolay Valuev. I hope Nikolay has better taste in women than Drago did in that movie though. (Off topic: Bridget Nielsen looks terrible these days. Has anybody ever seen her on the Surreal Life making out with Flava Flav? Bizarre, to say the least.)

Anyway...Nikolay - wax that animal pelt off of your back. And I'll give a dollar to anybody with enough balls to call him gay for doing so.

Historic Election Fails to Rouse The Press

Why is it that we aren't being bombarded with stories about the historic election that has taken place in Iraq this week? This is a story that should be dominating the news right now.

Take the Western politics out of it, and you're STILL left with a very compelling story to be told. An estimated 11 million Iraqis turned out for the vote. ELEVEN MILLION. That's between 65 and 70% of the eligible voting population. Add to that the element of danger in going to the polls (because of lingering terrorist attacks), and you've got a pretty damned remarkable turnout.

This election is a very important moment in the history of the region (and the world). We're talking about the first constitutional democracy in the Middle East. We're talking about a freely elected government after decades of oppression under a brutal dictatorship. A place where your leaders will no longer throw you into a wood chipper or extinguish cigars on your eyeballs just because you oppose their politics (or resist his sons' raping of your virgin daughter on her wedding night - how dare you!).

We also can't forget the fact that Americans made this possible. Specifically, President Bush, his cabinet, and most importantly the U.S. Armed Forces. The best military in the world, made up entirely of volunteers. Through their vision and sacrifice, they are changing the political landscape of the Middle East. The radical theocracies and dictatorships cannot be allowed to thrive in this volatile region. Especially when they pose a threat to their neighbors and the rest of the world.

Now, you don't have to agree with the reasoning for going to war. You don't have to like Gee-Dub Bush. We all know mistakes have been made (by Democrats and Republicans alike). Rather than dwell on them and engage in partisan politics, why don't we all look at the bigger picture here. We're over there, and we need to see it through to the end. We need to do the right thing (and we're doing it).

If 11 million Iraqis (risking their lives to go to the polls) don't convince you that this is what the people of Iraq want, then I don't know what will. I'm still in awe of the relative short period of time that this was accomplished in. I think ultimately, democracy in the Iraq is going to be a great thing. Hopefully, other Middle Eastern countries will follow suit and respect their own people enough to do it. (I'm not entirely hopeful that this will happen anytime soon...but I'm still hopeful nonetheless. Unfortunately, I see more conflict ahead before that happens ::coughIRANcough::)

As remarkable as this election is, I'm a little bit disappointed in the fact that it gets hardly any press coverage. Is the mainstream media THAT biased against this administration that they can't exercise a bit of objectivity? Can't they put their opinions and feelings aside long enough to do their jobs - REPORTING on current events? Is it that painful for them to report anything that might be viewed as a success for the Bush administration?

If you don't believe me that the media is a bit biased, think about this for a minute. For MONTHS, they ran non-stop stories about the U.S. "torturing" prisoners at Abu Graib. And when I say "torturing", I really mean "embarrassing". (OH MY GOODNESS, THEY'RE POINTING AT HIS WEENER!!) Talk to some WWII or Viet Nam P.O.W.'s and ask where they'd rather be detained - at Abu Graib under U.S. control or in a bamboo cage in Hanoi or some other horrible place. They can tell you what REAL torture is all about. What those moron soldiers were doing in Abu Graib wasn't torture.

Yet, the media bent over backwards to demonize the United States and Gee-Dub Shrubby in front of the world. To them, that was news that the world couldn't live without. The world needed to hear about this during breakfast, lunch and dinner. Non-stop news coverage on the scandal was essential. Anything to make the U.S. look bad.

Now that a truly newsworthy event has happened, their vigor has noticably waned. A brief story on it here or there and then they move on to things like: "Story of secret NSA powers prompts Bush defense". Back to trying to make the President of the United States look bad. That is what their real focus is. It's not impartiality or reporting the news. If you think the NSA, CIA, FBI, etc. don't do "spy-like" things...then you're VERY naive. That is WHAT THEY DO. That is their entire purpose in life. Get over it. And besides that, G.W. Bush didn't create the damn NSA. It's been around for a LONG time.

Anyway...I just wanted to say how impressed I am with the turnout of the Iraqis during this historic election. I'm even more impressed with our soldiers who are deployed overseas (and all veterans who have ever served). We are all in their debt for their sacrifice.

Tunafish - isn't that a bit redundant?

So, I'm driving home tonight when I realized that I forgot to rant about something today. Since I just got home, I figured I'd rant really quick while I was thinking about it.

I was minding my own business at the office (i.e. surfing the internet), when a woman that I work with stood up and randomly said, "I smell tunafish". Then she sniffed...stared around a bit...and eventually sat down. Although her random declaration of what she smells is mildly strange (as is she), that's not what I want to rant about.

I have a problem with the term, "tunafish".

To me, that sounds redundant. "Tuna" should be more than sufficient when talking about tuna. I know it's a fish. So do most other people in the world. Instead of saying, "I'm eating a tunafish sandwich...just say, "I'm eating a tuna sandwich". I PROMISE, I'll know exactly what you're referring to.

You don't hear people saying "I'm eating a ham pig sandwich". Just like you don't hear people saying "I'm eating a venison deer steak" or a "roast beef cow sandwich". Hell, you don't even hear people saying "I'm cooking salmon fish for dinner". Do you know why? BECAUSE THERE'S NO REASON TO!

Please, people...stop being annoying. I beg you. (One of these days, I'll list my pet peeves so you can know what behaviors to avoid when spending any time around me.)

Wow. If anybody thinks that THEY are having a bad day...

Just look at this poor girl to bring it into perspective. She's got a huge tumor on her face that she is (luckily) having removed. Kinda makes your petty insecurities pale in comparison, huh? Whatever bad things you're going through in your life probably don't compare to what this girl has to overcome. Count your blessings.

(Read the full article by clicking the link above)


On a totally unrelated note...does anybody remember that game, Hungry Hungry Hippo?


(I'm really going to hell for even thinking that. I'd better start looking for a nice handbasket now.)

Best. Santa. Letter. Ever.

(CLICK TO ENLARGE)

Letters to Santa

A friend emailed me these letters to Santa. I got a chuckle out of them, so I'm passing the chuckles onto you.


Dear Santa
I wud like a kool toy space rainjur fer Xmas. Iv ben
a gud boy all yeer yer Frend, BiLLy

Dear Billy,
Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawn
care. How about I send you a friggin' book so you
can learn to read and write? I'm giving your older
brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell!
Santa


Dearest Santa,
We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get
into our home?
Love, Marky

Mark,
First, stop calling yourself "Marky", that's why you're
getting your ass whipped at school. Second, you don't
live in a house, you live in a low-rent apartment
complex. Third, I get inside your pad just like the
boogeyman does, through your bedroom window.
Sweet Dreams, Santa

A Festivus For The Rest Of Us

With all that's going on in the world, I thought I'd take time out to wish everyone a Happy Festivus.

So, get out your ambiguous aluminum poles and prepare yourself for the Airing of Grievances this Festivus. Make sure you don't forget to get into your best Festivus shape for the Feats of Strength events too! As you all know, Festivus is not over until the head of the household is pinned.

Frank Costanza: Many Christmases ago, I went to buy a doll for my son. I reached for the last one they had, but so did another man. As I rained blows upon him, I realized there had to be another way.

Cosmo Kramer: What happened to the doll?

Frank Costanza: It was destroyed. But out of that a new holiday was born . . . a Festivus for the rest of us!

Cosmo Kramer: That must've been some kind of doll.

Frank Costanza: She was.

I've made an interesting observation...

In observing the recent debate about the death penalty, I've noticed a few things. And yes - you guessed it...I'm going to share my observations. Whether you like it or not.

Ok, I've seen the bleeding heart liberals and left-wingers bending over backwards to defend terrible criminals (who have proven themselves unfit to interact with other human beings in a civilized society). I've seen them defend murderers, rapists, and the like in a way that just boggles my mind. I've seen them attack people on the other side of the argument because they feel that the punishment fits the crime (death penalty). I've seen them do all they can to free criminals and/or get them a stay of execution. Sometimes, they're actually successful.

They talk about how "life is precious" and "we aren't God" and it's "not our right to kill another human being", etc. (when talking about the capital punishment)

However...I'm noticing that typically, these are the same people that are proponents of abortion (including partial-birth abortion). They want people to be able to chop their near full-term babies into pieces and suck their brains out, should they choose to. Am I the only one that finds that ironic (not to mention despicable)?

Let's make this clear. They want THESE types of people's lives spared:
(Scott Peterson-Wife/Child Murderer, Richard Ramirez-Satanic Murderer, John Muhammed-Sniper Murderer, Ted Bundy-Serial Killer/Rapist)



























But apparently not innocent lives such as this poor little guy who had his brains literally sucked out (Warning: GRAPHIC):



Don't get me wrong. I don't claim to be for or against abortion issues. You can do what you want. Actually, let me amend that. I think a "morning after"pill or RU486 pill very early on is one thing. But actually mutilating a full-term baby just seems barbaric to me. Just something to think about. Whose lives are we really valuing in our society?

Attention gullible public: Tookie Williams is NOT a hero of any sort!

He was a gang-banging con man. He was a callous, vicious criminal. He's victimized many, many people in his life. In one of his books, he describes how he and his gang would swarm "like locusts", strip people of their valuables and assault them before they disappeared into the shadows. He killed 4 people in cold blood (probably more that he was never caught for).

He laughed at the gurgling noises his victims made as they died. He bragged about killing innocent people. He plotted to kill prison guards in an escape plan from prison. He threw chemicals in guards' faces in San Quentin. He's been in numerous prison fights. He's been known to conduct gang-related activities from inside prison. He was a bad enough person in prison to get put in solitary confinement for SIX years.

Is this really the type of person the NAACP wants to make a martyr out of? This person hurts their cause more than he helps. He's probably responsible for more black deaths than the KKK is today. Thousands have been killed through gang violence since the Crips were started.

I was watching the crazies that gathered at San Quentin in the middle of the night last night for the execution. Some were comparing him to Martin Luther King and Malcolm X. I've heard others compare him to Jesus. The vast majority of these people have never even met the man they're defending. Most probably don't even know the facts of the case.

My question is...WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE THESE DAYS? When Ted Bundy was executed, did you see people rallying to make a hero out of him? What about when Timothy McVeigh was executed? Why is Williams any different? All three are horrible criminals who have perpetrated unspeakable acts.

Are people today retarded? Tookie Williams has done nothing to merit being mentioned in the same sentence as MLK, Malcolm X...let alone Jesus. He's done nothing to further the cause of black Americans or civil rights. In fact, he's done quite a bit to set them back. And he's certainly done nothing to be compared to Jesus. That is absolutely offensive.

I don't think we as a society should take capital punishment lightly. However, that is the system we have in place. Either deal with it, or change it through the legislative process like civilized people. Just don't try to undermine the authority of the laws we have. And certainly be more selective in the "heroes" you choose to be an advocate for. You make yourselves look silly when you defend the indefensible.

I value human life just as much as anybody else. I don't think anybody takes pleasure in knowing that a person is being killed. But when I see people pleading for mercy on people like Tookie, it really irritates me. Sure, he portrayed himself as a man who found redemption. Sure, he co-authored some books. It was a nice try, and nice of him to attempt to offset some of the vile things he's done, but it doesn't change anything. Why should the justice system show any mercy for him, when he showed NO MERCY FOR THE PEOPLE HE KILLED? At least the executioners had the decency not to brag to their friends and laugh at sounds Tookie made as he was (humanely) euthanized. That's the difference. They didn't take pleasure in killing as Tookie did.

Good riddance, Tookie.

Thanks for sharing the sound of your snack with me from hundreds of miles away

I really appreciate it. Why finish eating and THEN make a phone call, when you can do both simultaneously? What's that you're eating...celery? Mmm...sounds good and fresh.

::crunch, crunch, crunch::"mfffI've got a circuit pack that just brought my whole network down in Michiganmffmmmfff"::crunch, crunch, crunch::

That's what I just had the pleasure of hearing on the phone. This was General Motors' Network Operations Center. One would think the person has had some sort of higher education. At the very least, a lesson in Kindergarten on table manners. Ever heard of phone etiquette? Ever heard of common sense, for that matter? I DON'T WANT TO HEAR YOU EAT ON THE PHONE!!!

And while I'm at it, I just want to list the times when I DON'T want to hear from you via the phone. NEVER CALL ME WHEN:

1. You're eating.
2. You're in the bathroom.
3. You're outside on a windy day.
4. You're at a loud bar.
5. You're at a rock concert.
6. You're drunk.
   

Please make sure you finish these activities BEFORE reaching out and touching someone. Use your better judgement. Thank you.

I wish they had a short bus to shuttle my coworkers to the office

...because they obviously can't handle parking on their own. I think they are special ed. I really do. I wish I had a digital camera with me so I could take a photo of my parking lot this morning. These people are complete MORONS.

How difficult is it to park like a normal person?? Even if you can't see lines to park within, couldn't you figure out how to park next to the car that is already there? Do you really need to park at a 15 degree angle from the next car and leave 3/4ths of a space between you? Don't you realize your folly as you look at your car when you're walking away? Doesn't it look askew to you? Or are you that pea-brained that it looks normal to you?

And if you happen to park next to this idiot that can't park, does that mean that you have to screw up the entire parking lot from there on out by parking the same way as they did? Or better yet, overcompensate and angle your car 15 degrees the other way (thereby wasting yet another space in between)?

What I can't understand is why this happens in the first place. There was no snow on the ground this morning. We have big lights to illuminate the parking lot in the dark. WHY can't my coworkers seem to be able to master the task of parking their retard wagons?

I've included some various examples of the type of thing I'm talking about (not my actual parking lot...but it might as well be)

Why not just coat the soles in axle grease??

I've decided that I don't like falling on my ass very much. I've come to this conclusion through (involuntary) practice and repetition. In the past 4 days, I've slipped and fallen probably 4 or 5 times. (Each time was in front of an audience too...so yeah, I've had that going for me.)

I attribute these falls to several things:

1. It's snowy and icy out. This is acceptable, because it is Colorado in December.
2. Skechers makes THE WORST sole for the shoe that I am wearing. They might as well install buttered ball bearings on the bottoms of these shoes, I swear. Perhaps they could make the shoe secrete axle grease to more fully ensure that I embarrass myself each and every time I leave the house.
3. I'm too stupid to stop wearing the shoes. I know they don't get the best traction, yet I still continue to wear them. (Damn you, comfort and convenience!)
   

In addition to my being too stupid to stop wearing the shoes, I feel as though I'd be cheating the general public from a cheap form of entertainment if I stop wearing them. I could imagine how funny it looks for a grown man to do the slippery-foot-shuffle and then have his feet pulled right out from underneath him. I'd be howling with laughter if I saw it happen to someone else.

The pain in my tailbone is well worth the looks of glee on people's faces when they watch it happen though. I'm glad I can bring this kind of joy to people's lives.

I'm sure there's bound to be an encore performance as I make the long walk out to my car tonight, so don't miss it! There's a fresh sheet of slippery ice in the parking lot today and the temperature will only reach about 8 degrees for the high. I can't wait to feel that cold asphalt greet my ass with it's own brand of holiday cheer. Hopefully, my hands will be full too, so I can't break the fall with my hands. It's a lot more fun for the onlookers that way.

Just 3 little words...but they mean SO much

No, not "I love you".

The 3 words I'm talking about are "Because jail sux". This is the slogan in an advertising campaign launched by a New Zealand company, called A-Class. If you get a chance, check out their site. I've included the link. (great Flash site by the way)

Here are their latest ads. Pay close attention to the subtle details in each picture. Certainly worth a chuckle or two. (CLICK TO ENLARGE)
http://www.a-class.co.nz

Save "Tookie"? Bull DOOKIE! (I apologize in advance for the extra long rant)

Don't think you can use the title of this entry as an excuse not to read it in its entirety. There will be a quiz on the subject matter at a later date.

As you may or not be aware, Stanley "Tookie" Williams is scheduled to be executed in California on December 13th, 2005 for the crime of capital MURDER. Don't let the name fool you. "Tookie" isn't a fluffy teddy bear that has a belly full of sunshine and candy kisses ready to pour out when you hug him. Williams is a cold-blooded killer. Period.

Stanley Williams is one of the degenerate thugs responsible for co-founding the notorious Crips gang in Los Angeles during the 70's. In the years that followed, they violently fought their rivals (most notably, the Bloods) for territory and control of the drug trade, leaving hundreds dead. We all know how rapidly gangs spread across the country after that. I dont think there's a major metropolitan city in America that hasn't been influenced negatively by gangs that can be traced back to the likes of these guys or their offshoots.

In 1979, Williams was convicted of the murders of four innocent people in two separate robberies -- convenience store worker Albert Owens, 26 (shot in the back of the head, execution style); and motel owners Yen-I Yang, 76; Tsai-Shai Yang, 63; and their daughter Yee-Chen Lin, 43 (shot at close range with a SHOTGUN).

These weren't rival gang members. These weren't people attacking him. These were upstanding citizens that were just minding their own business when "Tookie" decided that their lives were worth nothing. Williams and his homies decided that working for a living wasn't something they were interested in. Why should they actually get a job and work for an honest paycheck, when they could just wander around the city and kill people for THEIR money? Victimizing others is far easier than becoming a productive member of society.

Now, I'm sure you've heard the celebrities in California crying out for Governer Schwarzenegger to grant "Tookie" a stay of execution. They all think we should "save Tookie" and let him live out the rest of his merry life in prison (on the taxpayer's dime). They think he's been reformed in prison. They think that, just because he's written a few books and been nominated for a Nobel prize (I'll talk more about that later), he's a different person now. His supporters feel that his "accomplishments" show his redemption and remorse, and therefore he should be allowed to live (despite being sentenced to death based on the evidence against him presented in a court of law).

California Granny to nun: "That Tookie sure is a nice boy... Where am I?"

Let's see...let's start with Snoop Dogg. Mr. Dogg is one of the most outspoken advocates of Williams, and a Crip himself. I'm sorry I'm sorry..."former" Crip (wink-wink) according to Mr. Dogg. Please forgive me, sir. Nothing like having a fellow criminal speak out on your behalf when your life hangs in the balance, huh?

Snoop, to this day, boasts of being a pimp and peddling whores for money (because he doesn't have quite enough from rapping). He is involved in drugs (obviously) and has been up on charges for murder and other offenses in the past. The only reason S-N-double-O-P isn't in there with "Tookie" is because he's rich and can afford the high dollar lawyers to get himself out of trouble. Don't get me wrong. I like Snoop's music, circa The Chronic/Doggystyle days. I'm not suggesting that I've never bumped his shiznizzle in mah ride be-foe. I'm just speaking to the issue of his character (or lack thereof).

Snoop's not the only one out there running his mouth for Stanley Williams' cause. Danny Glover, Jamie Foxx, Jesse Jackson (go figure...he'd kill his own grandmother for time on the microphone...as long as the microphone was black, of course), Bianca Jagger, Mike Farrell (Honeycutt, from MASH), among others.

The most reprehensible thing I've read so far has to be how these celebrities are trying their best to portray Williams as the VICTIM. In addition, some are even going so far as to attempt to make it a RACE issue! Read what Jamie Foxx said during one interview:

• "If Stan Tookie Williams had been born in Connecticut in the same type of situation, and was a white man, he would have been running a company," Foxx told the AP when the film aired last year on FX. "But, born a black man who has the capability of having brute strength and the capability of being smart in the ways of the world, he's going to get into what he gets into."

That is absolutely appalling. So, Wanda from In Living Color thinks that if Stanley Williams was white, he wouldn't have murdered 4 innocent people in cold blood?? Or is he suggesting that he just wouldn't have gone to jail for it? Is there NO sense of accountablity left in America today?

I fail to see how his being black plays any role in these heinous crimes or his attempt at getting a stay of execution. I think it has more to do with the fact that some blacks in America today LOVE to throw out the race card whenever they can't argue based on the merits of the issue. They think that it makes white people feel guilty and uncomfortable, and they think it will make them concede. I think it just makes their side look downright silly and takes away from any credibility that they may have in an argument. Don't misunderstand me though. I'm not saying that racism doesn't exist in America. It most definitely does. However, it plays NO part in this situation and should not be the topic of any discussion regarding Williams' execution for the crimes he committed. No more of this "boo-hoo for Tookie" talk. I said it before, and I'll say it again. TOOKIE WILLIAMS IS NOT THE VICTIM HERE! (despite what his supporters say)

Let's not forget...THESE are the victims - Albert Owens (Left), Yen-I Yang, 76 (not pictured), Tsai-Shai Yang (Middle), and Yee-Chen Lin(Right)

(WARNING - GRAPHIC)







Yes, that is what it looks like when someone shoots you in the face with a shotgun. Does that look like something that writing a few books should excuse you from?? Take a good look at those pictures. Any time you feel yourself buying into Hollywood's portrayal of this man in movies or on the steps of some California courthouse, just think of those pictures. Think of how terribly frightened they must have been in the last moments of their lives, just because some thug wanted a few extra bucks. Think of how cheap he thought their lives were. If these were your loved ones, would you feel that this man who calls himself "Tookie" should be allowed to live and collect the $1000 checks from his supporters? (according to corrections officers, it is not uncommon for him to receive donations in the $500-$1000 range to add to his large prison bank account) Do you think the taxpayers of California should continue reaching into their pockets to support this guy? To feed, clothe, and exercise him every day for another 30 or 40 years? Do you think this person should continue masquerading as a righteous man, "who helps children"? Every one of those people he killed were someone's children.

His OWN sons are in gangs and locked up for violent crimes that they've commited as a result of his fine leadership. If these books he writes are so effective in keeping kids out of gangs, why aren't his own children proving this? If he was such an asset to society, wouldn't you think he could handle raising his own spawn properly? I mean after all, he IS a great person now, right? He's such a great influence and such a great role model that he can singlehandedly change the world, right? We couldn't think of carrying through on his death sentence because the world will have such a large void to fill!

WRONG!

The fact of the matter is that he's NOT a good person. He's a piece of shit. Nothing he does can offset the evil things he's done in his life. He can make that peace with whatever God he worships. No amount of apologetic letters, picket signs, or children's books can bring those 4 unfortunate people back from the dead. Their families have suffered. They will never stop suffering. If all the actors in Hollywood came to the victims' familes' houses and baked them "Tookie" cookies and told them what a nice guy Tookie is...it wouldn't change a thing. He murdered innocent people. That's not something to sugar coat. How can these people hold up signs that say "Tookie saves lives"?? Look up at that shotgun wound on that poor girl's face and explain to me how "Tookie saves lives". I'd like to hear it.

No amount of Nobel Peace Prize nominations will offset the pain this person has brought to so many lives. Speaking of which, I just wanted to point out that a peace prize nomination means DICK. He didn't win anything. Anyone can be nominated for a Nobel Prize. According to Nobel Prize nominating rules, any "professor of social sciences, history, philosophy, law and theology" and any judge or national legislator in any country, among others, can nominate anyone for a Nobel Peace Prize. Past nominees include Adolf Hitler, Josef Stalin, Benito Mussolini and Fidel Castro. Any "professor of literature or of linguistics," among others, can nominate anyone for a Nobel Prize in literature. Should we have saved Hitler too?? I'm sure he might have been a great guy as well, huh? After all, he was a NOBEL PRIZE NOMINEE!!

So, for all the whiners crying that we'd be "killing a (gasp) Nobel Prize nominee"...I say to you...shove it. Nominate this! (that statement has a way bigger effect when you can actually SEE me aggressively pointing at my crotch when I say it)

Go ahead, Governor Schwarzenegger...TERMINATE HIM. I recommend the 12 Gauge. A needle in the arm seems too tame compared to what he did.

Do child molesters have poor eyesight, or just a poor sense of style?

Ok, let me start off by saying that I'm a bit of a news junkie. I have to read the news every day. Thanks to the internets, I can read the news from all over the globe with a simple click of my mouse (thank you, Fark). I simply love to know what's going on in the world.

At the same time, I can't seem to read the news of the day without it being crammed (no pun intended) full of stories about child molesters. Let me just say this: CHILD MOLESTERS SHOULD BE MET WITH SWIFT JUSTICE, AND I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT JAIL. I'm talking Marsellus Wallace justice. I'm talking "I'ma call a coupla hard, pipe-hittin' ni**ers, who'll go to work on the homes here with a pair of pliers and a blow torch" justice. I'm talking about getting medieval on their asses.

These guys are the lowest form of scum on the earth. I applaud the state governments that are trying to pass legislation to enforce mandatory sentences for these human shiat stains on the underwear of society. I get tired of hearing about molesters, rapists, priests and murderers getting 2-10 year sentences, while Sir-Smoke-Alot and Samson Simpson get 20 to life for getting popped with a stash of weed. But I digress. Let me try to keep my focus for this entry.

The reason I'm taking up space for an entry on this subject is this: WHAT THE HELL IS THE DEAL WITH THE GLASSES THESE GUYS WEAR?! That is the real issue at hand.

Time and time again, I'll be reading one of these terrible stories about Chester the Molester abducting some poor little kid on some American backstreet when I decide to look at the mugshot. Almost without fail, it's some greasy turd pictured with a humongous pair of eyeglasses from the 1980's. No matter if the picture was taken in 2005. I've included random pictures of registered child sex offenders from several law enforcement websites to illustrate my point. (see below)

Now, I'm not sure what the story is with the glasses. Perhaps they get a discount at the eyeglass store if they're a N.A.M.B.L.A. member. I don't really know. I just know that it's creepy.

If you ever see anyone that looks like any of these people, keep an eye on them. If you ever see anyone that looks like these people...and he's driving an ice cream truck or hanging out at the park with a bag of candy in one hand and playing pocket pool with the other...keep an eye on him. In fact, take your children and RUN!! ESPECIALLY if it's this last guy. He's the creepiest of all.

Forgive my "blognorance"...

I apologize, but this is my first attempt at blogging. By the way, I hate that word. Blog. Blawwwg. I think that's probably the sound of a fart in a tub full of water.

Anyhow...until I master this newfangled world of bloggggging, the format of this site will be changing (hopefully for the better).

Now that I have a blog, am I obligated to post every day? Is there some sort of blog schedule I have to adhere to? Will I face blog consequences if I don't post? This all seems like a lot of pressure that I frankly just don't need. Almost like it it might become a second job.